27 RULES
 of
 CELESTIAL MARRIAGE
 
 
 by
 Orson Pratt
 
 
 Nothing is so much to be desired in families as peace, love, and union:
they are essential to happiness here and hereafter. And, in order to promote
these desirable objects, we would recommend the observance of the following
rules.
 
 Rule 1st.--Let that man who intends to become a husband, seek first the
kingdom of God and its righteousness, and learn to govern himself, according
to the law of God: for he that cannot govern himself cannot govern others: let
him dedicate his property, his talents, his time, and even his life to the
service of God, holding all things at His disposal, to do with the same,
according as He shall direct through the counsel that He has ordained.
 
 Rule 2nd.--Let him next seek for wisdom to direct him in the choice of
his wives. Let him seek for those whose qualifications will render him and
themselves happy. Let him look not wholly at the beauty of the countenance, or
the splendor of the apparel, or the great fortune, or the artful smiles, or
the affected modesty of females; for all these, without the genuine virtues,
are like the dew-drops which glitter for a moment in the sun, and dazzle the
eye, but soon vanish away. But let him look for kind and amiable dispositions;
for unaffected modesty; for industrious habits; for sterling virtue; for
honesty, integrity, and truthfulness; for cleanliness in persons, in apparel,
in cooking, and in every kind of domestic labor; for cheerfulness, patience,
and stability of character; and above all, for genuine religion to control and
govern their every thought and deed. When he has found those possessing these
qualifications let him seek to obtain them lawfully through the counsel of him
who holds the keys of the everlasting priesthood, that they may be married to
him by the authority of Heaven, and thus be secured to him for time and for
all eternity.
 
 Rule 3rd.--When a man has obtained his wives, let him not suppose that
they are already perfect in all things; for this cannot be expected in those
who are young and inexperienced in the cares and vicissitudes of a married
life. They, as weaker vessels, are given to him as the stronger, to nourish,
cherish, and protect; to be their head, their patriarch, and their saviour; to
teach, instruct, counsel, and perfect them in all things relating to family
government, and the welfare and happiness of themselves and their children.
Therefore, let him realize the weighty responsibility now placed upon him, as
the head of a family; and also let him study diligently the disposition of his
wives, that he may know how to instruct them in wisdom for their good.
 
 Rule 4th.--Betray not the confidence of your wives. There are many ideas
in an affectionate confiding wife which she would wish to communicate to her
husband, and yet she would be very unwilling to have them communicated to
others. Keep each of your wives' secrets from all the others, and from anyone
else, unless in cases where good will result by doing otherwise.
 
 Rule 5th.--Speak not of the faults of your wives to others; for in so
doing, you speak against yourself. If you speak to one of your wives of the
imperfections of the others who may be absent, you not only injure them in her
estimation, but she will expect that you will speak against her under like
circumstances: this is calculated to weaken their confidence in you, and sow
division in the family. Tell each one of her faults in private in a spirit of
kindness and love, and she will most probably respect you for it, and endeavor
to do better for the future; and thus the others will not, because of your
reproof, take occasion to speak reproachfully of her. There may be
circumstances, when reproof, given in the presence of the others, will produce
a salutary influence upon all. Wisdom is profitable to direct, and should be
sought for earnestly by those who have the responsibility of families.
 
 Rule 6th.--Avoid anger and a fretful, peevish disposition in your family.
A hasty spirit, accompanied with harsh words, will most generally beget its
own likeness, or, at least, it will eventually sour the feelings of your wives
and children, and greatly weaken their affections for you. You should remember
that harsh expressions against one of your wives, used in the hearing of the
others, will more deeply wound her feelings, than if she alone heard them.
Reproofs that are timely and otherwise good, may lose their good effect by
being administered in a wrong spirit, indeed, they will most probably increase
the evils which they were intended to remedy. Do not find fault with every
trifling error that you may see; for this will discourage your family, and
they will begin to think that it is impossible to please you; and, after a
while, become indifferent as to whether they please you or not. How unhappy
and extremely wretched is that family where nothing pleases--where scolding
has become almost as natural as breathing!
 
 Rule 7th.--Use impartiality in your family as far as circumstances will
allow; and let your kindness and love abound towards them all. Use your own
judgment, as the head of the family, in regard to your duties in relation to
them, and be not swayed from that which is right, by your own feelings, nor by
the feelings of others.
 
 Rule 8th.--Suffer not your judgment to be biased against any one of your
wives, by the accusations of the others, unless you have good grounds to
believe that those accusations are just. Decide not hastily upon partial
evidence, but weigh well all things, that your mind may not become unjustly
prejudiced. When one of your wives complains of the imperfections of the
others, and endeavors to set your mind against them, teach her that all have
imperfections, and of the necessity of bearing one with another in patience,
and of praying one for another.
 
 Rule 9th.--Call your wives and children together frequently, and instruct
them in their duties towards God, towards yourself, and towards one another.
Pray with them and for them often; and teach them to pray much, that the Holy
Spirit may dwell in their midst, without which it is impossible to maintain
that union, love, and oneness which are so necessary to happiness and
salvation.
 
 Rule 10th.--Remember, that notwithstanding written rules will be of
service in teaching you your duties, as the head of a family, yet without the
Holy Ghost to teach and instruct you, it is impossible for you to govern a
family in righteousness; therefore, seek after the Holy Ghost and He shall
teach you all things, and sanctify you and your family, and make you one, that
you may be perfected in Him and He in you, and eventually be exalted on high
to dwell with God, where your joy will be full forever.
 
 Rule 11th.--Let no woman unite herself in marriage with any man, unless
she has fully resolved to submit herself wholly to his counsel, and to let him
govern as the head. It is far better for her not to be united with him in the
sacred bonds of eternal union, than to rebel against the divine order of
family government, instituted for a higher salvation; for if she altogether
turn therefrom, she will receive a greater condemnation.
 
 Rule 12th.--Never seek to prejudice the mind of your husband against any
of his other wives, for the purpose of exalting yourself in his estimation,
lest the evil which you unjustly try to bring upon them, fall with double
weight upon your own head. Strive to rise in favor and influence with your
husband by your own merits, and not by magnifying the faults of others.
 
 Rule 13th.--Seek to be a peacemaker in the family with whom you are
associated. If you see the least appearance of division arising, use your
utmost efforts to restore union and soothe the feelings of all. Soft and
gentle words, spoken in season, will allay contention and strife; while a
hasty spirit and harsh language add fuel to the fire already kindled which
will rage with increasing violence.
 
 Rule 14th.--Speak not evil of your husband unto any of the rest of the
family for the purpose of prejudicing their minds against him; for if he be
informed thereof, it will injure you in his estimation. Neither speak evil of
any members of the family; for this will destroy their confidence in you.
Avoid all hypocrisy; for if you pretend to love your husband and to honor and
respect his wives, when present, but speak disrespectfully of them when
absent, you will be looked upon as a hypocrite, as a tattler, and as a
mischief-making woman, and be shunned as being more dangerous than an open
enemy. And what is still more detestable, is to tattle out of the family, and
endeavor to create enemies against those with whom you are connected. Such
persons should not only be considered hypocrites, but traitors, and their
conduct should be despised by every lover of righteousness. Remember also,
that there are more ways than one to tattle; it is not always the case that
those persons who are the boldest in their accusations that are the most
dangerous slanderers; but such as hypocritically pretend that they do not wish
to injure their friends, and at the same time very piously insinuate, in dark
indirect sayings, something that is calculated to leave a very unfavorable
prejudice against them. Shun such a spirit as you would the very gates of
hell.
 
 Rule 15th.--If you see any of your husband's wives sick or in trouble,
use every effort to relieve them, and to administer kindness and consolations,
remembering that you, yourself, under the same circumstances, would be
thankful for their assistance. Endeavor to share each others burdens,
according to the health, ability, and strength which God has given you. Do not
be afraid that you will do more than your share of the domestic labor, or that
you will be more kind to them than they are to you.
 
 Rule 16th.--Let each mother correct her own children, and see that they
do not dispute and quarrel with each other, nor with any others; let her not
correct the children of the others without liberty so to do, lest it give
offence. The husband should see that each mother maintains a wise and proper
discipline over her children, especially in their younger years: and it is his
duty to see that all of his children are obedient to himself and to their
respective mothers. And it is also his duty to see that the children of one
wife are not allowed to quarrel and abuse those of the others, neither to be
disrespectful or impudent to any branch of his family.
 
 Rule 17th.--It is the duty of parents to instruct their children,
according to their capacities, in every principle of the gospel, as revealed
in the Book of Mormon and in the revelations which God has given, that they
may grow up in righteousness, and in the fear of the Lord, and have faith in
Him. Suffer no wickedness to have place among them, but teach them the right
way, and see that they walk therein. And let the husband, and his wives, and
all of his children that have come to the years of understanding, often bow
before the Lord around the family altar, and pray vocally and unitedly for
whatever blessings they stand in need of, remembering that where there are
union and peace, there will also be faith, and hope, and the love of God, and
every good work, and a multiplicity of blessings, imparting health and comfort
to the body, and joy and life to the soul, yet they cannot claim the honor of
having restored it in the full sense of Isaiah's prediction. This honor was
reserved for a people who should be called Zion, where all should eventually
be called beautiful, and glorious, and holy. The pure and virtuous daughters
of Zion will consider it a great reproach to remain single and have no
posterity: hence their exceedingly great anxiety for husbands, that their
reproach may be taken away. They will learn that a woman cannot, through her
own carelessness or neglect, fail to fulfil the end of her creation, without
bringing upon herself everlasting reproach, as well as condemnation for
disobeying the Lord's great and first commandment to multiply. Oh, how
different will be their feelings from those now manifested by females
traditioned under papist and protestant superstitions! Surely there must be
some mighty changes and revolutions when all things that the ancient prophets
have predicted shall be restored! Polygamy, as well as monogamy, will then be
honored by all the heavenly hosts above, and by all the nations of the
righteous upon the earth; and there will not be so much as a dog to move his
tongue against any of the institutions of the Bible.
 
 Rule 18th.--Let each mother commence with her children when young, not
only to teach and instruct them, but to chasten and bring them into the most
perfect subjection; for then is the time that they are the most easily
conquered, and their tender minds are the most susceptible of influences and
government. Many mothers, from carelessness, neglect their children and only
attempt to govern them at long intervals, when they most generally find their
efforts of no lasting benefit; for the children having been accustomed to have
their own way, do not easily yield; and if peradventure they do yield, it is
only for the time being, until the mother relaxes again into carelessness,
when they return again to their accustomed habits: and thus by habit they
become more and more confirmed in disobedience, waxing worse and worse, until
the mother becomes discouraged, and relinquishes all discipline, and complains
that she cannot make her children mind. The fault is not so much in the
children, as in the carelessness and neglect of the mother when the children
were young; it is she that must answer, in a great degree, for the evil habits
and disobedience of the children. She is more directly responsible than the
father; for it cannot be expected that the father can always find time, apart
from the laborious duties required of him, to correct and manage his little
children who are at home with their mothers. It is frequently the case that
the father is called to attend to duties in public life, and may be absent
from home much of his time, when the whole duty of family government
necessarily rests upon the respective mothers of his children; if they,
through carelessness, suffer their children to grow up in disobedience and
ruin themselves, they must bear the shame and disgrace thereof. Some mothers,
though not careless, and though they feel the greatest anxiety for the welfare
of their children, yet, through a mistaken notion of love for them, forbear to
punish them when they need punishment, or if they undertake to conquer them,
their tenderness and pity are so great, that they prevail over the judgment,
and the children are left unconquered, and become more determined to resist
all future efforts of their mothers until, at length, they conclude that their
children have a more stubborn disposition than others, and that it is
impossible to subject them in obedience. In this case, as in that of neglect,
the fault is the mother's. The stubbornness of the children, for the most
part, is the effect of the mother's indulgence, arising from her mistaken idea
of love. By that which she calls love, she ruins her children.
 
 Children between one and two years of age are capable of being made to
understand many things; then is the time to begin with them. How often we see
children of that age manifest much anger. Frequently by crying through anger,
they that are otherwise healthy, injure themselves: it is far better, in such
instances, for a mother to correct her child in a gentle manner, though with
decision and firmness, until she conquers it, and causes it to cease crying,
than to suffer that habit to increase. When the child by gentle punishment has
learned this one lesson from its mother, it is much more easily conquered and
brought into subjection in other things, until finally, by a little
perseverance on the part of the mother, it learns to be obedient to her voice
in all things; and obedience becomes confirmed into a permanent habit. Such a
child trained by a negligent or overindulgent mother, might have become
confirmed in habits of stubbornness and disobedience. It is not so much in the
original constitution of children as in their training, that causes such wide
differences in their dispositions. It cannot be denied, that there is a
difference in the constitution of children even from their birth; but this
difference is mostly owing to the proper or improper conduct of parents, as
before stated; therefore, even for this difference, parents are more or less
responsible. If parents, through their own evil conduct entail hereditary
dispositions upon their children which are calculated to ruin them, unless
properly curtailed and overcome, they should realize, that for that evil they
must render an account. If parents have been guilty in entailing upon their
offspring unhappy dispositions, let them repent, by using all diligence to
save them from the evil consequences which will naturally result by giving way
to those dispositions. The greater the derangement, the greater must be the
remedy, and the more skilful and thorough should be its application, until
that which is sown in evil is overcome and completely subdued. In this way
parents may save themselves and their children; but otherwise there is
condemnation. Therefore, we repeat again, let mothers begin to discipline
their children when young.
 
 Rule 19th.--Do not correct children in anger; an angry parent is not as
well prepared to judge of the amount of punishment which should be inflicted
upon a child, as one that is more cool and exercised with reflection, reason,
and judgment. Let your children see that you punish them, not to gratify an
angry disposition, but to reform them for their good, and it will have a
salutary influence; they will not look upon you as a tyrant, swayed to and fro
by turbulent and furious passions; but they will regard you as one that seeks
their welfare, and that you only chasten them because you love them, and wish
them to do well. Be deliberate and calm in your counsels and reproofs, but at
the same time use earnestness and decision. Let your children know that your
words must be respected and obeyed.
 Rule 20th.--Never deceive your children by threatenings or promises. Be
careful not to threaten them with a punishment which you have no intention of
inflicting; for this will cause them to lose confidence in your word; besides,
it will cause them to contract the habit of lying: when they perceive that
their parents do not fulfil their threatening or promises, they will consider
that there is no harm in forfeiting their word. Think not that your precepts,
concerning truthfulness, will have much weight upon the minds of your
children, when they are contradicted by your examples. Be careful to fulfil
your word in all things in righteousness, and your children will not only
learn to be truthful from your example, but they will fear to disobey your
word, knowing that you never fail to punish or reward according to your
threatenings and promises. Let your laws, penalties, and rewards be founded
upon the principles of justice and mercy, and adapted to the capacities of
your children; for this is the way that our heavenly Father governs His
children, giving to some a Celestial; to others a Terrestrial; and to others
still a Telestial law, with penalties and promises annexed, according to the
conditions, circumstances, and capacities of the individuals to be governed.
Seek for wisdom and pattern after the heavenly order of government.
 
 Rule 21st.--Do not be so stern and rigid in your family government as to
render yourself an object of fear and dread. There are parents who only render
themselves conspicuous in the attribute of justice, while mercy and love are
scarcely known in their families. Justice should be tempered with mercy, and
love should be the great moving principle, interweaving itself in all your
family administrations. When justice alone sits upon the throne, your children
approach you with dread, or peradventure hide themselves from your presence,
and long for your absence that they may be relieved from their fear; at the
sound of your approaching footsteps they flee as from an enemy, and tremble at
your voice, and shrink from the gaze of your countenance, as though they
expected some terrible punishment to be inflicted upon them. Be familiar with
your children that they may delight themselves in your society, and look upon
you as a kind and tender parent whom they delight to obey. Obedience inspired
by love, and obedience inspired by fear, are entirely different in their
nature; the former will be permanent and enduring, while the latter only waits
to have the object of fear removed, and it vanishes like a dream. Govern
children as parents, and not as tyrants; for they will be parents in their
turn, and will be very likely to adopt that form of government in which they
have been educated. If you have been tyrants, they may be influenced to
pattern after your example. If you are fretful and continually scolding, they
will be very apt to be scolds too. If you are loving, kind, and merciful,
these benign influences will be very certain to infuse themselves into their
order of family government; and thus good and evil influences frequently
extend themselves down for many generations and ages. How great, then, are the
responsibilities of parents to their children! And how fearful the
consequences of bad examples! Let love, therefore, predominate and control
you, and your children will be sure to discover it, and will love you in
return.
 
 Rule 22nd.--Let each mother teach her children to honor and love their
father, and to respect his teachings and counsels. How frequently it is the
case, when fathers undertake to correct their children, mothers will interfere
in the presence of the children: this has a very evil tendency in many
respects: first, it destroys the oneness of feeling which should exist between
husband and wife; secondly, it weakens the confidence of the children in the
father, and emboldens them to disobedience; thirdly, it creates strife and
discord; and lastly, it is rebelling against the order of family government,
established by divine wisdom. If the mother supposes the father too severe,
let her not mention this in the presence of the children, but she can express
her feelings to him while alone by themselves, and thus the children will not
see any division between them. For husband and wives to be disagreed, and to
contend, and quarrel, is a great evil; and to do these things in the presence
of their children, is a still greater evil. Therefore, if a husband and his
wives will quarrel and destroy their own happiness, let them have pity upon
their children, and not destroy them by their pernicious examples.
 
 Rule 23rd.--Suffer not children of different mothers to be haughty and
abusive to each other; for they are own brothers and sisters the same as the
children of the patriarch Jacob; and one has no claim above another, only as
his conduct merits it. Should you discover contentions or differences arising,
do not justify your own children and condemn the others in their presence; for
this will encourage them in their quarrels: even if you consider that your
children are not so much in the fault as the others, it is far better to teach
them of the evils of strife, than to speak against the others. To speak
against them, not only alienates their affections, but has a tendency to
offend their mothers, and create unpleasant feelings between you and them.
Always speak well of each of your husband's wives in the presence of your
children; for children generally form their judgment concerning others, by the
sayings of their parents: they are very apt to respect those whom their
parents respect; and hate those whom they hate. If you consider that some of
the mothers are too lenient with their children and too negligent in
correcting them, do not be offended, but strive, by the wise and prudent
management of your own, to set a worthy example before them, that they, by
seeing your judicious and wise course, may be led to go and do likewise.
Examples will sometimes reform, when precepts fail.
 
 Rule 24th.--Be industrious in your habits: this is important as
fulfilling the law of God: it is also important for those who are in low
circumstances, that they may acquire food, and raiment, and the necessary
comforts of life: it is also important for the rich as well as the poor, that
they may be able more abundantly to supply the wants of the needy, and be in
circumstances to help the unfortunate and administer to the sick and
afflicted; for in this way, it is possible even for the rich to enter into the
kingdom of heaven. A family whose time is occupied in the useful and lawful
avocations of life, will find no time to go from house to house, tattling and
injuring one another and their neighbors; neither will they be so apt to
quarrel among themselves.
 
 Rule 25th.--When your children are from three to five years of age, send
them to school, and keep them there year after year until they receive a
thorough education in all the rudiments of useful science, and in their
manners, and morals. In this manner, they will avoid many evils, arising from
indolence, and form habits that will render them beneficial to society in
after life. Let mothers educate their daughters in all kinds of domestic
labor: teach them to wash and iron, to bake and do all kinds of cooking, to
knit and sew, to spin and weave, and to do all other things that will qualify
them to be good and efficient housewives. Let fathers educate their sons in
whatever branch, or branches of business, they intend them respectively to
follow. Despise that false delicacy which is exhibited by the sons and
daughters of the rich, who consider it a dishonor to labor at the common
avocations of life. Such notions of high-life, should be frowned out of the
territory, as too contemptible to be harbored, for one moment, by a civilized
community. Some of these bogus gentlemen and ladies have such grand ideas,
concerning gentility, that they would let their poor old father and mother
slave themselves to death, to support them in their idleness, or at some
useless fanciful employment. The daughter will sit down in the parlour at her
painting or music, arrayed in silks and fineries, and let her mother wash and
cook until, through fatigue, she is ready to fall into her grave: this they
call gentility, and the distinctions between the low and the high. But such
daughters are not worthy of husbands, and should not be admitted into any
respectable society: they are contemptible drones, that would be a curse to
any husband who should be so unfortunate as to be connected with such
nuisances. Painting, music, and all the fine arts, should be cherished, and
cultivated, as accomplishments which serve to adorn and embellish an
enlightened civilized people, and render life agreeable and happy; but when
these are cultivated, to the exclusion of the more necessary duties and
qualifications, it is like adorning swine with costly jewels and pearls to
make them appear more respectable: these embellishments, only render such
characters a hundred fold more odious and disgustful than they would otherwise
appear.
 
 Rule 26th.--Use economy and avoid wastefulness. How discouraging it would
be to a husband who has a large family, depending mostly upon his labor for a
support, to see his wives and children carelessly, thoughtlessly, and
unnecessarily, waste his hard earnings. Let not one wife, for fear that she
shall not obtain her share of the income, destroy, give away, and otherwise
foolishly dispose of what is given to her, thinking that her husband will
furnish her with more. Those who economize and wisely use that which is given
to them, should be counted worthy to receive more abundantly than those who
pursue a contrary course. Each wife should feel interested in saving and
preserving that with which the Lord has entrusted her, and should rejoice, not
only in her prosperity, but in the prosperity of all the others: her eyes
should not be full of greediness to grasp everything herself, but she should
feel equally interested in the welfare of the whole family. By pursuing this
course she will be beloved: by taking a contrary course, she will be
considered selfish and little minded.
 
 Rule 27th.--Let husbands, wives, sons, and daughters, continually realize
that their relationships do not end with this short life, but will continue in
eternity without end. Every qualification and disposition therefore, which
will render them happy here, should be nourished, cherished, enlarged, and
perfected, that their union may be indissoluble, and their happiness secured
both for this world and for that which is to come.
 
 Let these rules be observed, and all others that are good and righteous,
and peace will be the result: husbands will be patriarchs and saviours; wives
will be like fruitful vines, bringing forth precious fruits in their seasons:
their sons will be like plants of renown, and their daughters like the
polished stones of a palace. Then the saints shall flourish upon the hills and
rejoice upon the mountains, and become a great people and strong, whose goings
forth shall be with strength that is everlasting. Arise, O Zion; clothe
thyself with light! Shine forth with clearness and brilliancy! Illuminate the
nations and the dark corners of the earth, for their light is gone out--their
sun is set--gross darkness covers them! Let thy light be seen upon the high
places of the earth; let it shine in glorious splendor; for then shall the
wicked see, and confounded, and lay their hands upon their mouths in shame;
then shall kings arise, and come forth to the light, and rejoice in the
greatness of thy glory! Fear not, O Zion, nor let thine hands be slack, for
great is the Holy One in the midst of thee! A cloud shall be over thee by day
for a defense, and at night thy dwellings shall be encircled with glory! God
is thine everlasting light, and shall be a Tower of strength against thine
enemies; at the sound of His voice they shall melt away, and terrors shall
seize upon them. In that day thou shalt be beautiful and glorious, and the
reproach of the Gentiles shall no more come into thine ears; in that day,
shall the sons of them that afflicted thee come bending unto thee and bow
themselves down at the soles of thy feet; and the daughters of them that
reproached thee, shall come, saying, We will eat our own bread and wear our
own apparel, only let us be joined in the patriarchal order of marriage with
the husbands and patriarchs in Zion to take away our reproach: then shall they
highly esteem, far above riches, that which their wicked fathers ridiculed
under the name of Polygamy.
 
 We will close this lengthy article on the subject of Celestial Marriage
by propounding the following questions for the consideration of such of our
readers as may be opposed to the plurality system.