Letter to a Friend:



Dear ______,



I appreciated your phone call, and I thank you for listening to me and my
problems. Your problem of not feeling good enough I think is a common
malady, but I think, because of where you are, which is wanting to do
something about it, that just a little break here or there and you will be
able to move ahead a long ways. Because of what God has revealed to you,
which was that your first husand couldn't love you because he didn't love
himself, I expect would make it apparent to you that as you come to love and
appreciate yourself more that you will also come to love the husband you
have now and the children more. Our potential is astounding.



  I would like to share with you one of the personal pains that I carry. I
can't escape from it. I can reason everything out and understand why, but
there is guilt and the self-accusation of "Why?" When my oldest daughter was
2 or 3 she could talk ... somewhat anyway. I don't even remember what it was
that began things, but I thought she was defying me. My wife tried to tell
me she just didn't understand, but I was certain she did because of how well
she communicated regularly. But she was telling me "no" when I wanted her to
say "yes."  I wasn't going to have her defy me and I began to spank her;
just one hit at a time, but I was using a belt. I would ask her, whatever it
was I was asking her, and she would say "no". And I would hit her, and then
ask her again. Each time I would hit her a little harder, until I finally
decided that my wife was right that she didn't understand me. I never made
any marks on her while I was hitting her, but the welts and bruises formed
shortly after I stopped.



God help me _____, what kind of a rotten bastard am I? My tiny little baby
girl! I hit her, and hit her, and hit her! She wasn't guilty of anything
except she just didn't know the right thing to say or was so scared that she
couldn't think. How could I do such a thing? I am her father! I am there to
protect and care for her! She was just a small innocent little girl and I
beat her! How could I have ever done that? I have talked to her about it and
told her how sorry I am, and she has told me that she doesn't remember it,
but I can't forget it. I write this and my heart breaks. I have to stop and
wipe the tears out of my eyes because I can't see to keep writing. I love
that little girl, who isn't all that little anymore; and it is so hard to
know what I have done. You might think fifteen years would create a change,
but the reality still remains. I was ignorant. I lacked understanding and
knowledge. I failed to be everything I promised God I would be if He would
give me a wife to love and children to raise. What could be worse than that?
What in your life could possibly be worse that what I have done? Children
are the most precious things God ever gives us, I know you know that.  I
look at the things you have confided to me about you and I don't see fault
in you; I see you a victim of time, chance, and a couple of bastards. Thank
God you have the husband that you have right now! Look at all the goodness
in him, and what does he deserve? Don't fail him! Don't fail yourself! The
two of you became one, and anything you hold back from yourself you are
holding back from him, and of course that spills over into the children as
well.

God isn't trying to punish you, although it may seem like that. He is only
answering your prayers, and the desires of your heart that you might be like
Him. Your suffering, of the past, and present, has, and is, making you into
a woman of tremendous understanding and COMPASSION!!!!  Your husband loves
you, and he will always love you. I am your friend, and I love you, and I
expect to always love you. When your children come to know who you are, as
husband and I, and certainly your husband more, they will love you more than
you can imagine.



I believe I am a good man. I hope you believe that too. It doesn't negate
what I have done in my life. Changing me to where those things won't happen
again does. Have I changed? Do you see me as someone who would purposely
hurt others, especially a child? Do you believe I try to do right? Do you
love me, and count me a friend because you see some goodness in me? I
believe you do. And I love you too. And more importantly your husband does.
I believe you can find so much more in you than what you do, and when you
find it pour it into your husband. A man of his caliber deserves all you
have to give, and the great thing about it is he'll turn around and give it
right back to you.



You've been through hell, and you've waded through shit, and you're still
being put to the test. Do me a favor and quit believing it's all because of
something you've done wrong. See your wrongs and change them, but begin to
know that your life has been, and is, hard because God is making of you a
Queen and a Goddess. I tell you in all truth and honesty, and I have nothing
to gain by this, that you are one of the most noble, and righteous, and
virtuous women I know. And your husband wouldn't have married you if he didn
't believe or KNOW that too; and more.



Take care of yourself, and begin to really, really know how wonderful you
truly are.



With love,


Your Friend,


_________