A Wife’s Note to Her Husband

You have to fix things-

You need little crisis’ to fix-

You were happy when you were helping your daughter and her boyfriend – you were fixing!

You Nag (at times)

You call it communication but you are talking to fix the other person.

I can’t talk – I listen – I can’t fix

When I do say something and you take it as critical – you cut me off at the knees and walk away – you strike back because you think you are being attacked-

You are a hurt little boy and you can’t get past that.

I have to be careful.

I try to give you safe places-

I listen- you haven’t developed a listening ear yet.

You are better - your anger and temper have lessened a lot.

You don’t have the anger towards my daughter like you had the first year after we were married.

I am going to write things down, like I did this morning – so when you want examples in the future I will have access to them.

Everyone wants to run away at times.

I never did – I stuck it out (until I had to for someone else.)

I feel like running when you and my daughter play me – that is painful to me when two people I love can’t put me first – what you two see as important – I don’t but I am not allowed my viewpoint.

I am too old for all this drama ---

I like love and peace – but I realize this life is too short for some dreams.

Sometimes humility and sacrifice don’t cut it.

But I am expecting too much – some understanding takes a lot of maturity.

I am going back into my cave now.

I don’t want a long lecture or counseling because I wrote this down.

This is my yearly expression!

2003 is now covered – write you again in 2004.

A Husband’s note to His Wife

You don’t listen

You listen to my words, but you cut me off half way through what I am trying to say and begin with a defense, many times of an issue I am not even addressing. Then I am left with the unfinished part of what I was trying to say, and with a new issue that you have brought up. Then I either need to explain to you that wasn’t where I was going and it doesn’t matter, or perhaps it may be another issue that does matter to me. That is frustrating.

I am a man. That makes it hard, if not impossible, for me to be focused on two things at the same time. You frustrate me.

You say it is supposed to be a partnership, but it feels to me like you only see the things I do, or have done. Places where I have failed to talk to you beforehand. The things you do without talking to me go right over your head like they don’t exist.

You say it is supposed to be a partnership and that I say that I am the head (I am not saying this right, but it is the way I remember, or understand what you are saying to me.) Please explain what being the head of a family is supposed to be.

I am tired of being misunderstood.

I am tired of feeling like I am the bad guy in your eyes.

I am tired of trying to explain things to you only to have you seem so certain that what I am trying to explain is something totally incomprehensible to me. Sometimes I don’t even know where you are coming from.

That is why I want a private place for us to go to try to communicate where no phones will ring, nobody knocking on the door, or interrupting us as I struggle to exercise my mental capacities in an attempt to comprehend you, and to struggle to find the right words, or whatever, so that you will be able to understand me.

I know that I am frustrating to you, but don’t you know baby…. So are you to me.

I talk a great deal more than you… I know that…. maybe if I write this down it will make it short and sweet and I can still feel like I got through. Love,

Just a Guy feeling like a Dumass

What Does it Mean to be a Woman?

I have contemplated for years who I was, and how I fit into society. The truth is I never really did “fit in”; yet, in many ways I fit better than most people. As a teenager I asked myself why I never acted, or responded like other girls my age. I began to observe what society had made of them and the expectations they were trying to fulfill. However, as I studied the girls in my school, at my church, and those in my neighborhood, I discovered that most of them were so concerned with how other people saw treating them, and trying to decipher those societal expectations, that the whims of normality were ever changing. There was no way of knowing what was going to fit in one day and be nerdy the next. It was then that I decided to follow what I had always known to make me happy, and to lead instead of follow. I knew who I was, who I wanted to be and the many influences that had gone into making me that way.

I have always been very feminine. However, I have only been feminine according to my definition of truly feminine. I have actually developed two definitions of what a feminine woman could be. One would be the modern definition of what a woman is. When I include the word ‘modern’ I don’t mean that these things have evolved from masculine traits. These are all still feminine and would be considered inappropriate for men in society.

This is how I would describe a modern feminine woman: high heels, makeup, jewelry, proud, emotional, yet has to be pampered to be happy, short dresses and low blouses, only concerned about her appearance and to be the center of attention when men are around. I admit I used extremes, but it painted the picture I desired. The next definition of femininity is thus: quiet, gentle, concerned more about others than herself or what she looks like, proper, obedient, likes frills and curls, but know their place, strong inward motivation, yet doesn’t force her opinion on others, cheerful, playful, works hard for small rewards, her relationships with, and love of others mean everything to her. These are also extremes of how a female would actually be, but I feel this is the definition of truly feminine.

I have found joy by fitting into the second category. Through this paper I will describe how I came to develop the qualities of this femininity.

My mom always said that I was a quiet, petite, feminine girl from the womb. I laid, quietly observing everything around me. When I got strong enough I played quietly, entertaining myself. I giggled and laughed frequently when other people played with me, but always discreetly. My voice is naturally soft, and I am sure this encouraged my inclination to softness. I also was born with other accommodating traits. My father said I had “girlish wiles” from the beginning. He would sit on the couch and do his homework. I would scoot myself, or crawl, or walk (depending on what age I happened to be) up to his legs and touch them. I didn’t cry, or pull, I just touched him. He would look down at me and I would look up at him with big eyes and maintain eye contact. It was obviously more than he could stand, so the homework didn’t get done and I would get the attention I desired. Whether I learned this technique extremely early in life, or whether it came as an inborn personality trait, I don’t know. However, I do know that each time I did it I got the reward I was looking for. I believe that the desire to be loved and noticed was inborn. I also believe that I was born with “intelligent eyes” as my mother calls them. She said that I was aware and interested in anything my eyes could take in. this probably had an effect on people when I looked at them. Therefore, when I looked at my dad, I got picked up, or played with. This led to a conditioned response, thus developing my “girlish wiles”.

As you probably noticed, I received love as a child. At times it was harsh, disciplinary love but always I knew I was loved. This gave me a rare confidence that I have clung to all my life. Since my parents were the source of this love, my allegiance to them was extremely strong. I do not remember a time that I did not work as hard as I could for the sole purpose of making my parents proud of me. This was the reward I desired in my young life. My relationship with my parents has always been of great importance to me. Thus developing the importance of establishing relationships with other people grew as I got older. Since I had two sisters that were close to my age, I didn’t have much inclination to play with other girls my age. Thus the socialization I received, till I went to school, came from my parents. Many of the views my parents hold are very traditional. My mother works at home, while my father earns the money. I was raised with a mother always at home and I will forever praise her for this sacrifice she made for me. This accounts for her great influence in my life. She is an angel. As a little girl I would do anything to be just like her, and now that I’m older not much has changed. She is continually thinking of other people more than herself. Selflessly serving those around her and getting little appreciation back. We were dirt poor, only receiving the necessities, but I never knew it. I desired nothing more, because I was loved. She made sure we didn’t want. She is devoted to her religion and finds deep strength and power therein. This faith is integrated into everyday of her life, in everything she does. I saw her live what she taught us, and always attribute her joy to her faith. Thus, I knew I could trust her. Every weekday my little sisters and I would go down to the basement and have ‘mommy school’ before we reached kindergarten. This was a mixture between academic training (I could read before kindergarten) and religious nurturing. It was a time we felt free to ask any question we wanted to, discuss anything, or soak in the wisdom that made my mother great. This is also where I learned what was proper and what was not. She taught with gentleness, never with physical force. Though there were times that the discipline was harsh. She knew how to use our sensitivity and love towards her to get us to be obedient. I am sure that my dad supported these actions as well. I remember him being so proud of us when we were all dressed up in our new Easter dresses, hair curled with ribbons. He used to tell me I was beautiful, and praised me when I was obedient and loving. Is there any question how I developed my femininity?

Now that I have described my upbringing, you might ask if I have ever tried anything different, to see if there is more liberation or fulfillment in the androgynous ideas of this modern world. The answer is no, though I have considered these things. I believe you can learn a lot about the consequences of choices by watching others who make them. I have observed the women around me, first in high school, and now on campus. Some choose to cultivate very masculine traits. These seem to be very confident, assertive women, who work their way to the top of companies, receive rewards, and demand to be given their equal share. Despite their outward achievements, inwardly they are unhappy. They can never seem to ‘measure up’ and are always seeking to prove their equality. Other women choose to be androgynous. They fit very well into society, especially because this is what society wants of women. Yet they always seem to be unsure of who they really are or how they should respond. Each situations different and the decision of being masculine or feminine has to be continually made. They are continually fighting within themselves to keep atop the balance their personality teeters in. Then there are those women who choose to be the feminine that I described previously. These are also women who find acceptance in society, especially among the men. The males in society like beautiful women, who they can easily please with more attention and jewels. The men get what they want from these women. The other girls also look at these women to find out what society is now deeming feminine. This type was actually deceiving for a while. I had to get to know some individuals on a personal basis before I found out if the life they led actually was preferable. Though these women may seem to be happy, and may find great satisfaction in how they appear to others, if you really get to know them, they are hollow. If they trust you, they will admit there is an emptiness to their life, that they just can’t seem to fill with all of the makeup and men. Then finally, as I examine my fellow women, there are a minority of women who lead. They don’t get much praise, or even recognition. Sometimes they get walked over and their submissiveness is taken advantage of. Yet they are the ones everyone turns to when something goes really wrong; when they want a shoulder to cry on, and an ear to lovingly listen. They don’t institute fashion, or establish equality, but are confident enough in who they are, to move forward when everyone else stands in the sidelines, waiting for someone to declare the appropriate thing to do. They don’t base their self worth on how other people think of them, but on how well they can make others feel good about themselves. These are truly happy women. They find their joy in womanhood, and knowing who they want to be. I believe the desire for these things is born in every female. However, desire doesn’t come to fruition unless it has action to follow it. This is where nurturing comes in. I know that most women didn’t have the nurturing that I had. I wish that every little girl could have the childhood I did. But as I see divorce and empty homes more commonly accepted, I feel for those girls who may have to, either settle for something less than they inwardly desire, or search through a sea of unhappiness to find out what will really bring them joy by fulfilling their inborn desires.

J.G.

What Does it Mean to be a Man?

My identity, or the role I have etched for myself in society, is that of a man or a male. My maleness comes from nature having provided me with a penis rather than a vagina as well as other physical and psychological characteristics; also by my assimilation of what it is to be male via my interpretations of my observations of other males who taught me maleness in ways both expressed and implied

Defining what it is to be male, or a man, is going to differ with every individual’s interpretation, and is hopefully a continuing process of assessment, interpretation, and re-defining of that maleness. Perhaps most difficult for me is to define where I am right now in that interpretation as I am subconsciously re-defining maleness, or more importantly, my maleness even as we speak. So if my definition is a mixture of past and present I hope there will be a minimum of confusion as I try not only to decipher what maleness is, but in doing so also try to decipher myself

My observations of my father as a child led me to believe that to be a man is to be strong emotionally and physically; if married, it means to be the head of the house i.e. the one who makes the decisions about money or the finances, trips or vacations, projects, or things that have to do with the family.

My observations and experiences around boys and men throughout my life led me to believe that farting is funny, as well as disgusting remarks about food and pretty much anything; generally speaking men are just pretty much disgusting creatures. Their penis is their most prized possession and women are merely sex objects desirable, almost solely, for sexual fulfillment. Men like to talk about sex, money, and sports, but not necessarily in that order, except that sex is pretty much always the first topic of choice.

On the other hand my maleness was influenced by religion. Through the scriptures I came to believe than real men talk to God and receive instructions from Him, go where He tells them to go, and do what He tells them to do. The real man controls his sex drive and honors women, but must also control them as they are beneath him even as he is beneath God. Real men always do the right thing, even when it is hard or hurts, cares for other people, and does what he can to make their life better. He gives of himself and is a kind and loving person, who is honored by both God, real men, and women. In marriage the male has a female added as an extension of his maleness.

Overall I would say man is not to be bothered with small and insignificant decisions about what is for dinner (unless there is something he happens to want), which child does what chores, etc. Men are sloppy and irresponsible around the house, bathe once a week, or as little as possible, do not do sissy stuff like put on after shave, cologne, or deodorant. Women are sex objects that are extremely desirable, but also creatures placed under the protecting care of men (which is like putting a kid in charge of the candy store) who have, on the one side, a desire to use women for sex and servitude. On the other hand men have a calling to care for, nurture and protect women who are vessels of nobility and honor. Indeed men are devoid of honor and nobility except through this calling, and can only attain from women their nobility and honor by caring for, nurturing, and protecting them.

So my concept of being male is that man is basically a Neanderthal who walks around with his knuckles dragging, his faithful herd of flies following behind him as women collapse by the wayside as he passes. Conversely man possesses the ability to rise above this base nature, and, through women, to become something good and great. This was my understanding based on my interpretations based on my observations of other males throughout my life. And I felt that I fit this description because at fifteen I can remember being consumed with sexual thoughts to the extent that I thought I had to have sex or die. Yet I was nearly twenty seven and a virgin when I married.

What I have found very interesting about this paper is that as I thought about things and wrote, I could see the conflicting concepts or interpretations I had about what maleness is. In any conflict there is usually a winner and a loser, it has been interesting to me to see which concepts of maleness won out over others, and in it all I see areas that I wish to change

I can remember as a five year old child wanting to sweep and clean. I have always wanted to have things cleaner than others in my family, even my mother and sisters. Things must have been said about me being feminine, probably many things were said that hurt me horribly, and leaving within me the need to prove that I was a boy, and that I was a man. I can see I must have struggled to prove to others, and to myself, that I was male, subconsciously fearing I was effeminate.

My first wife complained of me not bathing, using deodorant, etc. I hurt myself physically, giving myself a bad back and a hernia attempting to prove my manhood. Women in my life have endured insults and hardships because I needed to make sure that they knew they were less than me. If there was no other place where I could prove to myself I was a man; I would prove it within my own family.

I could say that I wanted to be a kind and loving person, but I could not say I wanted to be a kind and loving man; this paper has facilitated a breakthrough for me that comes in the form of words that can now be spoken, and without an injured boy inside of me crying out “NO! NO! YOU CAN’T SAY THAT!” Because I AM a kind and loving man whose feelings are easily hurt, because I AM, and always have been a sensitive and caring person. K.B.

Q U E S T I O N S

In the book "Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith" on page l46, Helen Mar Kimball told of her marriage... "my father ... having a great desire to be connected with the Prophet Joseph, he offered me to him; ... my father introduced to me the principle and asked me if I would be sealed to Joseph ... he (Joseph) said to me, "If you will take this step, it will ensure your eternal salvation and exaltation and that ... of your father's household and all your kindred." Is there someone out there who has something more along this line or who has any comments on what this all means?

On page 191 of the same book, Emma wrote, "I ask ... I may be enabled to overcome that curse which was pronounced upon the daughters of Eve." What curse is she talking about? And does anyone know, or can someone find a reference to the effect that the curse of Eve would be removed via acceptance of the principle of plural celestial marriage?

On page 106 of the same book, Joseph is quoted as saying, "I will organize the sisters under the priesthood after a pattern of the priesthood." This is in reference to the Relief Society. Was, or is, the Relief Society a female priesthood organization, or was it an attempt at such an organization?

Reply on the 7thg of May, 1993

"Thank you for your Forum letters. In reply to the last issue women and the priesthood, I would have to reply in the affirmative that yes, the women of the Relief Society were originally intended to be an order of Priesthood for women. If anyone has read, "Women of Mormondom", it is very clear that Eliza Smith Young Snow was considered a High Priestess in the order. If anyone has read the works of Mervin B. Hogan concerning the close ties between the early Church and Masonry, and the early days of the Church in Nauvoo, and the statements of church hisorians concerning that period (such as Reed C. Durham), it is clear that the numerous parallels between the Church and Masonry were not coincidental. The Order of the Relief Society was patterned somewhat after the Order of the Eastern Star, which was an Order of Masonry for females in France.

"The O.E.S. does not claim to be a Masonic Order though its membership is restricted, in the case of women, to those whose nearest male relatives or connections are Freemasons of good standing. The Order rose in the United States of America in 1778, but did not attain eminence until 1850 when it was revived by Rob Morris, a prominent Free-mason. It had in 19l7 nearly 900,000 members and its membership was increasing at the rate of 50,000 per year. A candidate for initiation must be recommended by two members from personal knowledge. A committee of three is then appointed to report upon the application at the next meeting and for admission the voting must be unanimous by the group.

"Enclosed is a newspaper article concerning Mormon Priesthood and women as researched by a Church historian, D. Michael Quinn. Temple Ordinances aside, there is other ample evidence that such an order existed for the women. And while the debates flare up concerning equality and women in the priesthood, it really was intended at the beginning to be so. As the church divorced itself from Masonry, such as was held by Joseph Smith, Hyrum Smith, Brigham Young, and others, this motivation for women lost its direction in the Church.

"We cannot obtain a clear picture of actual, real, history until we admit to Masonry being of prime consideration in the events and men of the founding of the USA, and also in the numerous religious groups created by Masons and Rosicrucianists, etc. For how can you perceive the Fathers of the Constitution, if you do not admit Washington, Franklin, Jefferson, etc., were members of Masonry and Rosicrucianism? So also, Asael Smith, Joseph Smith, Sr., Joseph Smith, Jr. Hyrum Smith, Brigham Young, etc. [In fact, Martin Luther's personal seal and emblem contains his initials and a cross inside a rose.] So, too, was the Order of Priesthood for women in the LDS Church, inspired by the popularly accepted order of the Eastern Star.

"The hottest items of conversation and debate during the days of Joseph Smith were Masonic, "Secret Combinations", "Illuminism",

"Brotherhood", - the all seeing eye has adorned more edifices than the Mormon Temples. Brigham Young said that "Priesthood was Brotherhood." (I might add -- "Sisterhood").

Joseph Smith's great revelation concerning Deity was that the God-head, although essentially male in its nature, ... in its make-up. Every God is made up of at least three parts female to one part male. In the eternal worlds, it takes many persons - to exercise the keys of Godhood. This principle was vividly illustrated in the life of Brother Abraham Hunsaker. "When the law of celestial marriage was first whispered to him, he opposed it exclaiming, 'It is of the devil', but God knew his heart and one day a messenger from heaven with three women clothes in white raiment stood before him several feet from the ground, and addressed him thus: "You never can receive a full and complete salvation in My kingdom unless your garments are pure and white and you have three counselors like me." (LDS Biographical Encyclopedia, 3:4l5)

This understanding of the feminine aspect of Deity was restored through Joseph the seer who taught his disciples concerning their Mothers as well as their Fathers in heaven. Based upon his teachings, his high priestess wife, Eliza R. Snow, wrote:

In the heavens are parents single?

No; the thought makes reason stare!

Truth is reason, truth eternal

Tells me I've a mother there.

("Invocation; or the Eternal Father and Mother" in Tullidge, "Women Of Mormondom", p. l88)...

The very word Goddess denotes power and authority ... the authority

of God is by definition, Priesthood. When Adam and Eve came into the garden, they were Gods bearing the eternal Priesthood: in their primeval condition, Eve bore the Priesthood as well as Adam. It was in the fall that woman lost her right to hold the Priesthood.

There were women participating in the highest priesthood in the Holy Order which were persons who were ordained into the Highest

Priesthood Order or the Patriarchal Priesthood Order...

Women must receive the priesthood as well as men, before they can achieve the Celestial Kingdom. No one alone can achieve that degree and none can achieve it without the higher priesthood.

Scriptural Evidence of Women Holding the Priesthood Authority

Exodus l5:20: "And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron ..."

Judges 4:4: "And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, She judged Israel at that time."

II Kings 22:14: ...Huldah the PROPHETESS... 22:15: ...(In this scripture the King sent these several priest to receive council from Huldah the Prophetess.)

II Chronicles 34:22: (same as II Kings 22:l4)

Nehemiah 6:l4: ... the prophetess Noadiah,...

Isaiah 8:3: ...I went unto the prophetess,....

Luke 2:36: ... there was one Anna, a prophetess,...”

Dear Sweetheart,

Over these many years I have put deep thought into the events, and the reasons for those events, which have had such an impact upon our love and our marriage. In many ways I see that both of us reacted instead of acting in a reasonable manner. I surely made more than my share of mistakes with you and our children by not respecting more freedom of choice and opinion, and by not being less severe in my discipline. I have not been able to correct the immature mistakes I made with you, which I have so wanted to correct, because of our separation, and eventual divorce. I have wondered if a thyroid deficiency, or some chemical imbalance, might have played a part in the scenario. I have pondered my feelings of guilt, feelings that I didn’t provide you with sufficient money for the necessities of life. Also I feel I failed to give you near enough talk time each day.

I believe there were answers for us in our marriage but we needed to seek them earnestly together, to recognize them, and to have faith enough to follow them. We failed! I believe if we had been more honest with ourselves we would have grown together and been even more in love. I believe we have reaped guilt and unhappiness, the results of rebellion and pride with each other and with our Dear Savior. I don’t believe you are ‘happy’; however, if you are truly satisfied with your life, then tell me and I will accept that and bow out as a humbled contender for your love.

I remember with dear fondness, and clear vividness you sharing with me your ability to receive personal answers to your prayers; and of you telling me more than once of your personal witness concerning us from our Dear Savior. How He purposely brought us together so that we might find the greatest happiness that either of us was capable of experiencing. I too, from the beginning, received that clear and powerful witness. It was not to be without much testing and trials, but through our commitment to each other, and our Dear Savior, that was our promise. I believed it then, and I believe it now.

I remember clearly you telling me that I could never find another woman who could love me, who could utterly fulfill me as you could. I still believe that. I still hold to the hope, and belief, that you still care for me, as I do for you. I believe in you.

I have made many and serious mistakes (decisions and judgment calls) with you in our marriage. However, I do not believe I misjudged you nor those precious answers I received of you, and which I received a confirmation of over and over; of your precious love for me, His will for us being united, of your exceptional magnetic femininity, of your gentleness and patience, (which I so needed to learn from you), of your spiritual strength, of your most satisfying and most completely fulfilling and passionate loving, and of your highest qualities and your total embodiment of womanhood.

You were so exquisite and desirable as you honored me with your respect and love, for wanting me to be with you at the birth of our children. I am so very grateful for the quality of the children you gave to me, to us, and you wanting to have them as much as I. You were as absolutely stunningly beautiful to me when you were pregnant, as when you were in possession of your youthful and slender figure. And I was in heaven with you, with all my heart I thank you!

As I unknowingly and unwittingly hurt you, you also hurt me in our marriage. You told me at that time how you received direction over and over of what I needed so very much from you and how you could reach my heart through our daily spending enough time and variety in the purpose of our marriage.

You knew, and you loved also how to reach my heart and soul, to make me a mellow, responsive, and a committed man. A man committed to your needs, desires and dreams. I believe you hurt yourself when you hurt me, and brought distance between us, just as I hurt myself when I hurt you. I am most regretful I did not fulfill your expectations that were within my capacity then. If I could go back I would try to fulfill even your most unexpected desires. Thank you so much for those precious experiences we did share together. They have left me being drawn to you. I love the magnetic charm I have always felt of your spirit, your personality, and your exquisite love for me. You fulfilled for me the most satisfying and most holy purpose in my life with your pleasing me and supporting me. You have brought me the most happiness I’ve ever known. I so wish I could have done for you. I so dearly loved you.

My clearest and most cherished memories of you are positive and pleasing, so satisfying and captivating. I have never lost the vision of you and of your loveliness. I have led a full and rewarding life, but even at that my life is incomplete and shallow without your heavenly love and companionship, the kind I knew when I was married to you. I dearly miss you, of feeling your appealing, exciting, breathtakingly beautiful, and shapely body against mine.

Even though my words on paper may not be clear to you, I try to reflect my heart and humble myself before you. Lovingly, Much Wiser Now

Women!

Women! What is it about women? In relationships where women are involved the only way a man can come out ahead, and unscathed, is to be a psychic. I had a friend who was struggling to understand his wife; he finally asked, “Honey! I want to make you happy! Tell me what to do so I can make you happy?” She didn’t know! But she sure as hell wanted him to know, and to be doing something different right now. Somehow she was exempt from the issue of her happiness. C’mon gals! Give us guys a break!

Another thing about women is the way they dress. Do they have classes on men’s libidos? If they don’t there sure should be. Ladies, let me try to explain it to you… men were created to make sure the species never dies out. Their consistency is approximately 98 percent sexual, having sexual thoughts every few seconds, and then, perhaps, 2 percent everything else. Women, you have no need to fear that your procreative instincts will not have ample opportunity for fulfillment. So why do you dress as if you fear the honeybee is going to miss your flower? Men are lucky to function as well as they do with women running around in their little bits of nothing. With long legs, belly buttons (which create other thoughts in men’s minds), plenty of skin, and beautiful breasts; I mean, how do women expect men to function at all?

What I’m saying is that women are impossible… they want men to think and understand them in areas where it would take an honest-to-God psychic, or someone who talks with God Himself. I can hear the conversation now, “Sure I created them, but even I never claimed to understand them.” Women want to be noticed and at the same time have men abstain from any sort of sexual thought. “Hey look at that guy over there looking at me, he must be a perv.” Sorry women, we’re not pervs, we’re just men.

What is it with Men and Women?

What is it with men and women? They both desperately want to be loved and yet both sexes seem determined to destroy the happiness they seek to find. Granted men have a sex drive the size of a Mac Truck along with a seeming inability to know how to use it as per the woman’s view, but where can we find unity? There seems to be no greater diversity among the human species than that which exists between men and women, and yet they were made to create the ultimate happiness for one another. Not men, not women, but men and women are possibly the greatest paradoxes known to man. Whether it be genetic or environment men and women are like two different species; unknown to one another in the secrets that make them who they are and how they function.

Indeed as a man women are mysterious creatures capable of somehow coming into my world as unobtrusively as a warm and gentle breeze that gives a feeling of comfort and euphoria. I can think of no greater reward in heaven or earth than to have that feeling I have when I lie within the arms of a woman.

At the same time women are the most cruel and hurtful beings I have ever known. True, both men and women seem to have it down to an art how to hurt one another, but the greatest pain that has been inflicted upon me is when that warmth, comfort, and absolute euphoria has been withdrawn from me. Granted this is usually a reaction to some action of mine, but again, it is usually due to an action of mine that I was completely unaware of as being a hurtful action towards the one I loved.

Perhaps what I wrote first was hard and mean, but there was also a great deal of truth embodied within it. It was also written a bit tongue in cheek because there is a great deal of humor in the struggle of men and women to understand one another. Nor was it written entirely against women. I, as a man, do not want to be thought of as a 98% sexual being with only 2% of me being all else, both good and bad. But I truly believe that women fail to understand the unbelievable depths to which their sexuality affects men.

I think perhaps both sexes ought to give thought to the reality of how much power we have to hurt the other. That is great power, and with great power comes great responsibility. Both sexes should condemn those entities residing within each sex that makes a game of love in the which they deliberately tear at the hearts of the innocent.

Men seem to be endowed by “The Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God” with a desire, even a need, to care for and protect women. “Let us always thy protectors be, and of the sacred place where life begins.” Likewise women seem to be endowed as our caretakers and caregivers, and it is as if we perceive it not. This is how it should be:

“If you could touch one tear that I have shed for thee,

And feel the loss and anguish there contained in me;

If there was in you truth enough to do all these,

Then would your heart be touched, oh it to please;

Then tears of sorrow, and of joy, would ever flow,

As tears to tears we’d meet, and never go,

But through eternity would you be me,

And I, oh grateful I, would thus be thee.

There would be no part of you wherein I did not blend,

And love would be ought that you or I could ever send.

This is but the vision that I see.

But in this heart of mine it does exist and be.

And these my lips they wait, oh wait, for thine,

When you shall place them thus, and then be mine.

Then tears shall flow, tears I had, yet did not know,

Of gratitude for love, for God, for you; and ever so.

For only in these can this my heart be true,

When it is wrapped in thine, and thus be you!”

For all of the hard words that men and women speak to each other. For all of the sarcastic humor that we find to poke at one another, the truth is this; the true cradle of civilization, for men, lies within a woman’s arms, and men who come to understand this truth will give their lives to care for and to protect that civilization, that love, that which only women give.

Is “Safe Sex” Safe?

The article about condoms left me with mixed emotions, but mainly one of deep sadness. The deepest and largest part of me is simply sad for those who may not know what they are getting into. Is “Safe Sex” safe? I have heard that sperm are the size of basketballs as compared with the HIV virus, and that condoms were not 100% successful at preventing pregnancy. We have “safe sex” being touted on the one hand, but there is an opposing view saying they are not 100% safe on the other hand, and who can be certain in our society filled with media hype. Still the issue that creates my sadness doesn’t have so much to do with physical aspects as it does the mental and emotional.

I know of nothing that is of more importance than individual choice. Making responsible choices is what condoms are about. It is politically correct to say, “use condoms,” or have “safe sex.” However, is there such a thing as “safe sex” when hearts and souls are at stake? In the movie Seabiscut, when the jockey wants to ride, even though it might end up making him a cripple for life, or even possibly end his life, he still rides. Why, because some things are more important than life. A prime example is, “Give me liberty or give me death!” Yes, if you are going to have sex use a condom, but be aware of all the consequences, not just the physical ones that might kill you, but also the possibility of devastating emotional and mental consequences.

Sex is meant to be intimate and extremely personal. “Making love” is a term used to describe the sexual experience, but what is sex exactly? Sex can be enjoyable, thrilling, and exciting. Sex can be a fix, like a drug, used to hide, or heal, pain and suffering. Sex can be something shared by two that is very meaningful. In the end sex can only be comprehended on an individual basis, because what it is depends entirely on what it means to the individual. Yet sex is an activity engaged in, not by one, but by two.

In life whenever two parties contract to do something they spell it out, sometimes in minute detail. This is so both can be sure the other party understands what they are expected to give, and what they can expect to get. We do this with cars, homes, and a great variety of things that are far less intimate and personal than sex. People draw up contracts, because experience has taught them that if things are not clearly understood it tends to create experiences that are not pleasant. My experience tells me emphatically that people don’t necessarily have sex for the same reasons, and that it is very easy to come out of a sexual relationship feeling scarred. I don’t know if anything does justice to the pain that some end up feeling. I used to think only women needed to fear these things, but again, my experience tells me that both genders are at risk. One of the easiest things in the world is to have sex. I would urge people to think carefully, ask questions, and please make responsible decisions, because in the end, if you are not careful, you may end up feeling like you just got screwed.